DATE: 11/01/2007 17:22:11 / MOOD: in love

I would like to say to all of those who have left comments on my page a million thanks....

I haven't been on like i used to reason being I have been working very hard, and alot has been going on in my life... I at times just come in check the page and smile because so many beautiful people have left a comment on it and perhaps that day i was having a messed up day...just seeing a message of happiness or friendship made it all go away...

I want to say that i haven't forgotten u guys at all but as soon as I have some free time I will start to send comments again....Till then God bless and Stay sweet!!!

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DATE: 10/08/2007 18:47:26 / MOOD: other

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a 90 year old woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded. The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. Then I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide." "And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot axxhole?" he asked. "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..." Ticket ------------------ $95.00 Court Costs ------------- $45.00 Look on cops face ------- Priceles

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DATE: 09/13/2007 15:12:58 / MOOD: full of life

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'. He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line. " Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?" "Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons." Have a nice day

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DATE: 09/13/2007 12:01:10 / MOOD: full of life

> One day, in line at a company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike > behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better > see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of > money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down > at Wal-mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer > will tell you what's wrong and what to do > about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars... a > lot cheaper than a doctor." > > So, Joe puts a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to > Wal-mart. He deposits ten dollars and the computer > lights up and asks for the urine sample. > He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds > later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis > elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy activity. > It will improve in two weeks. > Thank you for shopping @ Wal-mart. > > That afternoon, while thinking how amazing this new > technology was, Joe began wondering if the > computer could be fooled. When he got home, he > mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine > samples from his wife and daughter and his own > sperm sample for good measure, and hurried to Wal-Mart > before it closed, eager to check the results. He deposited > ten dollars, poured in his concoction, and awaited > the results. The computer lights up, and ten seconds > later prints the following: > > 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener kit. > (Aisle 9) > 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal > shampoo. (Aisle 7) > 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. > 4. Your wife is pregnant, Twins. They aren't yours. > Get a lawyer. > 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never > get better. > > THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING @ WAL-MART

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DATE: 09/13/2007 11:58:43 / MOOD: full of life

Buckwheat & Darla were in school, and the teacher asks Darla, "How do you spell 'dumb'?" Darla says, "D-u-m-b, dumb." The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence." She says, "Buckwheat is dumb." The teacher says, "Now spell 'stupid'." Darla says, "S-t-u-p-i-d, stupid." The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence." Darla says, "Buckwheat is stupid." Then the teacher calls on Buckwheat and says, "Buckwheat, spell dictate." Buckwheat stands and says, "D-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate." The teacher says, "Very good, now use it in a sentence." "I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!"

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DATE: 09/13/2007 11:56:09 / MOOD: full of life

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?" Oh, I don't know", said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea," To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?

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DATE: 09/11/2007 18:12:25 / MOOD: other

Animations provided by MySpaceAnimations.com

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